Surviving the Sacre Coeur

Despite being at the highest point of Paris at Sacre Coeur - closest to the gods, the word 'sanctuary' won't save you from The String Men. They're leeches in disguise, ready and waiting in battalions for naive tourists, so they can lasso their fingers with string whilst murmuring 'hakuna matata'. How I'm supposed to take them seriously when they're chanting words from a Disney film I have no idea, but suddenly you have a braid around your wrist and they're waving nail clippers at you and demanding money and your hand in marriage. 


You want a braided bracelet. They are pretty, a must-have on visiting the Sacre-Coeur, and totally beat a manky festival wristband, but you're not so enthusiastic about the drippy Senegalese that now seems to be attached to you. Take careful note, because after three bracelet-attacks (yes, THREE), I now feel confident in battling these swindlers. 


1. Do not be eager and approach them. Oh, don't worry - you definitely will get a bracelet. They've already seen you approaching about a mile away and are currently planning their... plan of attack. 


2. Before you know it, they've got your little finger hooked! Now it's question time whilst they spin their webs I mean, braid a bracelet. Ignore all flattery - there were millions of 'you very beautiful girl' before you, and will be more to follow. They ask where you're from - you say England. People who haven't been to England know of only one place. Therefore, you come from LONDON. Don't waste your breath trying to explain where Stratford-upon-Avon is. It just doesn't work. 


3. The biggy. After all the flattery, compliments, questions on how long your staying and where you're from, is the question they are certainly going ask: 'boyfriend?'. To be honest, they don't really care whether you have one of not, but you DO have a boyfriend, and he IS in Paris right this minute and he's already waiting for you at the top. It's worth even dropping a name in just to make it seem real. 


4. The bracelets done, and after the customary 'I'll trim your nails for you with this nail trimmer' joke (true HORROR), and attempted chat-up, you feel compelled to give them money. And that's how they make it, because you've already got a thread bracelet tightly strapped round your wrist, and they are holding some sharp nail-trimming tool in their hands. If you came prepared to get a bracelet, then come armed and dangerous with an extra purse containing no more than 2€. Never give notes, or show you have more change. Seriously, THEY WILL PERSUADE YOU TO EMPTY YOUR WALLETS. So, you tip out your change and they'll see you have nothing more. Simples! 

5. You finally pull yourself away from their grips (they will ask for hugs/kisses/hand shakes/a guided tour up to the church...) and RUN FOR IT up the stairs. There'll be another one waiting for you round the corner to do exactly the same.  They could put Sir Alan Sugar out of money by the time he reached the top if he was caught by them all. Keep your hands in your pocket so there's nothing they can lasso, and don't look back! (And certainly don't kiss them! Today I had one pucker his lips up so big at me, they put Angelina Jolie's smackers to shame!)


They're friendly, but sneaky buggers on a good day. Just remain firm, and keep walking. Once you reach the top, the views are amazing - seeing the entire of Paris, and remember to come down the other side or the guys you originally met will be coming home with you! 

 

Sacre-Coeur 75018, Mero: Anvers or Abbesses

On another note, I also FINALLY discovered the Primark of Paris. Like the name, 'Tati' is rather tatty (and the security guards look frosty enough to sink the Titanic), but it's the cheapest of all the department stores, and bustling with bargain hunters stocking up on low-cost clothes, household items and gifts. The toiletry and make-up section seemed pretty amazing, and had more than the local supermarkets had! 

Tati: Blvd Rochechouart, 75018. Metro: Barbes-Rochechouart