As I'm actually living in France, technically I'm not a tourist. It does frustrate me each time I get a glare because I've pulled out THE MAP (a large, colourful map of the 'perifique' of Paris, with large pictures of monuments and famous buildings), because people automatically assume I'm a 'good-for-nothing tourist.. taking tax-payers money... clogging up the metro for pointless sight-seeing...'. So I do make an effort NOT to 'look' like a tourist - no wandering around aimlessly, very discreet photo taking of random Parisian objects('ahh a WALL! Ohmygosh - French windows! A SIGN! People eating in a French cafe! A French lamp-post! A French shop! WOW H&M in Paris! Never before!'), and not wearing 'I LOVE PARIS' T-shirts. And ducking your head when daring to enter *gasp* A SOUVENIR SHOP!!! I try and see if I can actually 'fool' French people into thinking that I too, am French - I hate having to admit that I'm English, whereupon they reply to you English to you and treat you like you're four.
The same goes to speaking French - I don't want to come across as a 'Blundering BRIT'. So my sentences in French may be very few and short, for minimal mistakes! Anyway, today I was in a store, and this lady had asked for assistance on something. The shop-assistant went away to look for it (I think!) and the lady turned to me and went on a big tirade (but in a friendly manner) on her problem/request etc. I felt rude stopping her, or walking away, so just stood there nodding my head like those plastic Churchill dogs that annoy you from the parcel shelf of the car in front, saying 'oui' when she paused to take a split-second breathe before resuming her blathering, and smiling/laughing when she did. The whole time she was going on, I was silently panicking inside that she might end with a question, upon which she'd discover that a) I wasn't French, b) I can't really speak French, and therefore, c) I hadn't understood a word of what she said. Fortunately, we laughed, smiled, I said 'oui!' and then pretended to go looking for something else (politely). However, it wasn't all over yet. The queues at the cash desks were really long, and I was about to switch to the other queue until I saw her standing impatiently there (she was quite a short lady - the demanding 'nothing-is-right' sort), so wisely stayed put. She on the other hand then gave up, and came over to my queue and stood right behind me. My fears came true when she started talking to me AGAIN (probably about the queues?) - I didn't understand a word that came from her mouth. I just nodded and smiled and said 'oui', praying, once more, that she wouldn't ask for my opinion or expect a reply greater than 'oui'. I finally got to the desk to pay - also worrying that maybe the cash-lady would ask me something in French, where I'd then trip up on my speaking right in front of the short-demanding-French woman - mercifully, I survived. I didn't need a bag, I didn't want a Store Card, and I had the right amount of coins. I virtually RAN out of the shop just to ensure I wouldn't bump into short-demanding-French-woman again! I'd feel even more embarrassed if she discovered that the last TWO conversations we'd had were really just her ranting and me nodding like some plastic soccer bobblehead souvenir!
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