A Recipe for Disaster

You will need:

- One car for the school run (the worse condition the better, I prefer to use my own special brand of Renault Scenic complete with one wing-mirror, a bashed in door, half a number plate and half the plastic trimming ripped off, but it's really down to individual taste...)

- More children than you have arms (for a low-cal version use ones that refuse to get up in the morning)

- Preferably a parent or two in the mixture for an extra kick of calamity

- A busy town or city bursting with riots, scammers, heavy snowfall warnings and your everyday manic morning rush.

- A blast of foreign language for a new culture flavour.

Bain-Marie's at the ready!

5 Easy Steps for the perfect Cake of Catastrophe:

1. When the children's school starts at 8:30am, make sure you're running late to ensure stress and scrambling.

2. CHILD A wants to bring the dog. Cue CHILD A’s tantrum when dog is declined. Because you've had "that" kind of week, they will continue to throw a tantrum at the bottom of the stairwell for the next 3.5 minutes. In between this, one parent is currently handing you half their dry-cleaning and several large items to return to a store. You hope they haven’t checked a watch recently as it will inevitably be ALL your fault that the girls are late. You make it to the car, with Child C adding to the chaotic-ness by obsessively flicking through all 50 radio stations on the journey and complaining about how she doesn’t get enough time to get ready AND have an extra snooze in the mornings. Resist the urge to throttle her there and then. Let's keep going.

3. When CHILD B asks if she can go to the shops on the route to school (which is only a few blocks away), ask if she knows the way. She says she does. Fall for her convincing affinity of independence. Don't consider the fact that you live in a large city and moreso, in the city centre with lots of traffic. She's totally capable, right? So tell her yes, "yes you can go ahead to school. We'll see you there." Assume that she won't get very far. Assume that the knot in your stomach is from the outdated yogurt you ate that morning.

4. You arrive to school with two children out of three, CHILD A still screaming about the fact you hate the dog. It has nothing to do with the fact you’re allergic to things you don’t like. After stoically refusing to leave the car, CHILD A eventually climbs out the opposite side so you can brush her knot-ridden hair into something which represents a ponytail. She will hate it and scream louder in front of all the parents waiting by the school gate (just for good measure and to add a bit of chagrin) because you haven’t preformed a John Frieda on her. Since you are running considerably late, assume that CHILD B made it to school just swimmingly because well, you didn't see her on the way. Comfort your doubts by reminding yourself that there are a few different routes to take. Drop off CHILD A and C in the nick of time, and voila, that's it!

5. You slowly count to ten and manoeuvre the car out of the lot, relishing in the tranquility of a child-less car. You’re a few minutes from returning home, when CHILD B calls because she’s still at the shops the other side of town and starts school in 2 minutes. Perform a highly illegal u-turn in the middle of a main road, and turn back to school on a search for Child B where you find her standing outside the shop with some friends. She will not have walked an inch closer to school from the store, and will just stand nonchalantly watching you manoeuvre the car into the disabled spot beside her before getting in. Now you can proceed to take CHILD B to school, return home and take a breath.

Helpful hint:Remember to turn off the oven after use before you go up in flames!

You can proceed to question your own capabilities while a surge of dread washes over you. Out of resentment, you can then reminisce of the days in England when you weren't responsible for children. You can even Freud yourself, questioning if you did this on a subconscious level so you could be fired and sent home.

I'm not fired. I'm still here.

Trip down Memory Lane

A dreary day. Another Wednesday.

My penultimate Wednesday. 

Another car-hijack this morning by Caroline, so Juliette and Margot had to walk home from school. I spent the morning doing the food shopping on the 20€ from Caroline (I’m guessing that means William will be back soon as neither one likes to help the other out by paying for their shopping…), and mopping up you-don’t-even-want-to-know-what from the bathroom floor. All I can say is thank GOD I brought disinfectant with me. And I know it isn’t my job, but I use that bathroom. And no one else was going to do it. This has stooped to a new low. 

Today has been manic, but in a boring and completely uneventful way. Caroline keeps taking the car, and doing half my jobs, which makes me think perhaps they’re practicing for when I’m gone but it isn’t working as she’s just picking and choosing all the jobs she wants to do! And it doesn’t even make my life easier because I end up having to hang around for the moment she gets bored of doing something and throws everything back onto me. I got the girls ready for ice-skating, but then Caroline suddenly said she’d take them, leaving me waiting at home for the car, already late to collect Juliette and Margot. This is just boring! 

So I’ll use this moment in time to reflect back on my year, seeing as I only have 10 days left… although ten days of TODAY would feel a lifetime. I looked back at my first posts on my gap year last August, and my plans or ‘utopia’ were to rent a flat in Paris, get a job (probably waitressing), and eventually work in a French magazine. That was one very ambitious ‘utopia’. Never the less, despite people’s doubts at me even getting to Paris, I most certainly achieved that. 

Utopia vs. Reality.

1. Renting a flat in Paris…..Living in a Parisian house (rent free)
2. Waitressing….. Au-Pairing (both equally depressing)
3. Working for a magazine….. Working for a film company (oh yeahhh)
4. Meeting Caroline Roitfeld (editor of Paris Vogue)….. Meeting Karl Lagerfeld.
5. Going to a French-learning school…..Going to Paris Fashion Week, meeting Karlie Kloss and Baptiste, oh, and with a bit of revision in between. All good really! 

My only regret this year may be the selling of my cross-trainer… Gahhh. :( WHYOHWHY?? IT WAS PINK for God's sake! 

And just to celebrate having no more responsibility or ‘chores’ this summer, I plan to improve my hula-hooping techniques, roller blading, go ice-skating, practise rope-skipping and bounce life back into me on the trampoline (Rosie, get building!). This may be the one time in my life I can close the book and skip back a few chapters into childhood again! And I’d just like to heavily emphasise to all adults reading that all this ‘fun’ will happen AFTER I’ve completed my exams in June. It’s nose to the grindstone until then!

Pasta again for tea tonight. Caroline tried to have a go at me this morning because the girls hadn’t had breakfast… there was absolutely nothing in the house!! Hence the measly 20€. And there still isn’t much for dinner, seeing as they ate all the meat we have in the house for lunch. So pasta is is. And if you don’t like it, you can go hungry! 

Dog Days are Over

Bonus points from Marie - we've had so many days lately where she's been yelling at my in the car because she's still hungry after a pack of biscuits and a banana or she's bored about having to wait for the other two.

It was a difficult decision to make, but I actually decided to voluntarily take the dog in the car on the school run. And my god it stunk the car out, and to my dismay and horror, returned to the car with Marie to find it ON THE FRONT SEAT. [Fleas, germs, dog crap.] But, after anti-bac and fragrance spray and watching Marie joyously charging about with Devil Dog outside, I guess it was probably worth it.

My achievement of the day: I actually successfully cooked some pork chops. *Round of applause* really - GO ON, put those hands together and clap like a seal! The girls actually ATE these pork chops. For once, they did not turn out looking like shrivelled up flip-flops, or dog toys! And I even worked out how to check for 'clear juices' without decimating the pieces. So a big shiny gold tick in the box. It still won't be my 'speciality dish' though. One thing I'm glad of returning, is that I will never have to (and never will) cook another bloody pork chop. AGAIN. But I think it's fitting that after all these months of leathery hunks of meat that mostly end up in the dog bowl, I have FINALLY conquered the Challenge of the Chop. Yeah that's right. Won't be making a pig's ear out of this one anymore!

A Comparison between two Hometowns...

Filling space in the day, I set about thinking what I'd miss about Paris. Of course I'll miss it, and of course I'll come out to visit whenever I can - ideal for a short weekend away etc, but let's be honest, if we don't get hung up about the exact details, every place has its own mini-Paris, right?

  

The Eiffel Tower vs. The RSC Tower (Royal Shakespeare Company, Stratford). Only 268 metres' difference... who's to notice?! Mr. Eiffel definitely had more ambition and imagination though.

 

Ahhh absolutely amazing! Like twin churches. :) The first one is in Versailles (South-West of Paris), and the second is one of the main 'monuments' of Stratford-upon-Avon. 

CLICK TO SEE MORE! 

A Comparison between Parents. Rules or Riots?

Caroline is back this week. I still can't decide - yes, even 9 months later - which parent I 'prefer'. I.e. which one is less stressful/easier to get along with or get on with my job. By the time I just about get used to one parent, they go and the other parent arrives! It's crazy. It's like, emotional WHIPLASH!

 

So we're going to have to attempt to get to the bottom of this preferably before my time is up... (Note the pluses and minuses for Pros and Cons)

WILLIAM. 

+ More 'organised'

+ Pays me relatively on time (once I've reminded him)

+ Doesn't rely on me to taxi him about

- Gives me extra errands to do in the day

- Makes me lay up the dining table in full as if we've invited Marie Antoinette

- Keeps moaning at me about cleaning the girls' rooms

- Urgh HIM AND HIS TRAYS!! When he doesn't want breakfast downstairs he takes half the kitchen upstairs on a TRAY and so there'll be no butter or anything for the girls downstairs... And then he leaves it all up in his room. Gah!

CAROLINE. 

+ Doesn't nag me.

+ I don't feel like she's standing around judging/ grading me on how I look after the girls.

+ It doesn't matter if tea is pasta or the table isn't laid up full: all they care about is that THERE'S FOOD. 

- Totally psychotic, and like a tornado's just ripped through the house. Constantly.

- An absolute b*tch to get even a cent out of. Including shopping food and wages.

- Hijacks the car when she feels like it and expects me to... fly to school?

- Leaves mess everywhere, doors open, car unlocked, handbrake off... *head against wall*

- Eats dinner AS I'm cooking it - total FOOD monster!

However, another plus is that because I know what to expect (usually) with Caroline, I can be prepared for it and attempt to turn a blind eye,but I never know what william will throw at me, whether it's a plough or after-dark shopping. 

Anyway, I think it would be safe to say that overall William is much more 'stable', so things aren't so crazy and chaotic when he's IN DA HOOSE. And I know that he's happy if I've done all the table laying and cooking hunks of meat, so I can go to bed feeling slightly more satisfied with the knowledge that he's not about to fire me or slit my throat in the night. 

Today was pretty uneventful.... it was 20C outside and I sat indoors in trackies and a jumper doing work and drinking herbal tea. OH I'M JUST SO BLADY ENGLISH.  Tomorrow I'll attempt a venture-out... :) And my room is looking LESS-packed than it did before the weekend... I think my belongings are preparing for going home by EXPANDING in weight and size, just to make my life more difficult. Have no fear though, for on this journey back I am restricted to an entire Landrover of luggage. :D

How to wake a Sleeping Princesse

Due to the clock change, this morning I was technically waking the girls up at 6am. Which I knew would be near impossible. I too, was in zombie mode which didn't really help the situation either as I had no energy to enthusiastically leap into their bedrooms and turn all the lights on...

Marie refused to wake up, let alone get up, and I spent a good ten minutes shaking and nudging her whilst repeating her name over and over. I was too scared to raise my voic in case one of the parents - whichever one if either stayed over last night - was listening: 'Marie! Marie! Marie! MARIE!!!!!' 'Ohps, she said that one too harshly, MON DIEU SHE HATES THE KIDS!' *Panic alarms* So after many unsuccessful attempts I turned to leave her for five minutes, but in the process of blundering out in semi-darkness, trod on a Barbie, cavorted across the room and plunged myself across a chair. Her eyes snapped open before closing again, making me wonder if she'd been playing me all along. Cow. 

Well, I was certainly awake by then, so hobbled back upstairs to badger the other two again! Do they think I want to be up at this hour more than them?? 

Snap back to reality

Back home, but not before I'd attempted to persuade switching lives for two weeks with Granny, and hopping back on the Eurostar myself... No such luck, but we're down to 1 week and 5 days. We can do this!! 

Today we went to a few small tourist attractions - 'Paris Story', where we watched a 40-minute film on the history of Paris (focussing on the buildings and how it has come to look like it does today), and 'Choco Story' which was a bit of fun, looking at history of cocoa. It was actually quite weird seeing it from the French opinion, and I discovered that hot chocolate came years before solid chocolate! And there wasn't a word or image related to Cadbury... just WEIRD. :P It was amazing the obsession with hot chocolate and cocoa - there were hundreds of cups dedicated to drinking cocoa! There was a demo of making pralines, and also some examples of chocolate clothing, although something tells me it's not about to catch on just yet!

 

We took lunch at Chartier, a very famous French brasserie. The inside is so huge and elegant, and I don't think you could get any closer to 'everyday French life' if you tried - the rushing of waiters, the speed of everything from running dishes to taking orders... It can feel very chaotic, but it's an experience. In the evening's there's about a mile-long queue up the street - they don't take reservations because they are always in such high demand! 

 

And where would we be without our daily Space Invader? Found on Rue Gluck, which just seems such a hilarious name for a French street.

 

So this evening I've had a quick catch up with online TV, that familiar annoying drone of guitar in the house and horrendous rock music from the bathroom... Yup, I'm home. The one bonus though is that I'm back to a free-of-charge speedy internet connection. :) But it was so relaxing to have a weekend away - if you'd told me I was in England I might have almost believed you! 

Waxing Lyrical

After failing miserably this morning to upload my photos onto my blog (bad points for internet ‘facility’ at the hotel), we wandered off in the direction of Grévin Waxworks. One of Paris’ most expensive attractions (18€ for reduced tariff - students, seniors etc), but we both felt it was worth it. We walked immediately into a party-themed room, with George Clooney right by the entrance. And my-oh-my he looks even more like William than I thought. Seriously. I just can’t get away from that family!! 

There was also a hall/room of mirrors, and after a grand staircase we were pushed into a completely pitch black room, staggering across to the sounds of ‘avance, avance’ and then witnessed a stunning light display (more interesting than it sounds) in the room of mirrors. Then back into the world of celebrities, including Harrison Ford, Madonna, Elton John and Ghandi, hundreds of snapshots and a waxwork history of Paris. My favourite waxwork was Naomi Campbell, who looked absolutely incredible and fierce, and I loved posing beside Marilyn Monroe. There were a few really quite scary and hairy men (most of them waxworks!), including this enormous rugby player who looked more like a dementor in rugby kit. And Mother Theresa looked more like the mother in The Life of Brian. But it was fun! Although there were many characters and people we didn’t recognise, as their fame laid within France… 

 

Hotel facilities: Internet

The hotel advertises wifi for it’s guests, but then charges you 5€ for 60 ‘non-consecutive minutes’ or 24€ for 24 hours (non-consecutive minutes). With hindsight, the latter would have definitely worked out best, seeing as time flies when you’re having trouble uploading photos through a slow internet server. So the internet is eating my money up, and I could have uploaded the photos at home in a third of the time! I made a fuss and they gave me back my 10€ and gave me 2 hours gratuit. So it is SLOW, and every hour I end up having to go back down and ask for ANOTHER password and username. 2/5. Because after all, there IS internet… 

Room/House Keeping standards - We returned this afternoon so exhausted, and were welcomed into our room by the aura of housekeeping. Puffed up pillows, straight duvets and clean towels. All perfect and tidy once more. :) Our shower cap and bath soap stores weren’t replenished however, but my laptop was still there when I returned! 4/5. And if they can give free bottles in the gym, why can’t they leave a some ‘welcome’ bottles of water in the rooms? IT’S WATER FOR GOD’S SAKE! Not Gin! 

   

So this afternoon we spent being appreciative of the fact we have a hotel. I could really get used to having it as a permanent home. Or at least, a ‘second’ home - like Kate Moss having an apartment at the Ritz in Place Vendome. Then this evening we went out for a showing of Le Diner de Cons - one of my favourite French films, at the theatre! We were very lucky to get a small box to the side of the stage, and even luckier when the other two seats in front of us weren’t filled, so we could move forward to the stage! It was a really good production, starring Philippe Chevallier and Régis Laspalès - well-known comedians and actors in France, and it was a very good performance! 

Came back and battled out another hour’s internet for free (the server is ridiculously slow!! I hope you’re aware it has taken me about 10 minutes to upload EACH photo in the last two days… Internet score has dropped to 1/5 but a boost to customer service for giving us free hours) and after a hot shower and a towel wrapped round my head, I can rest my feet! Also, for anyone who is confused, France DOES change their clocks back and forth the same time as England. The plus side of losing an hour, is that I’m one hour closer to being home, and I didn’t have to put any effort into making it go by quickly! 

Well they weren't joking when they said 'mini gym'...

Welllllll….. It had a clock, and there were clean towels and free bottled water which was definitely a positive. And there was an entire wall of mirror, and the room as a whole was much bigger than expected, with plenty of floor space for crazy dancing and a stack of yoga mats. So those were all good! 

And then there was the machinery. At least there was machinery… we can be positive about that! However, onto the negative aspects. There was a cycle machine, a cross-trainer, and a home weights machine frame… which looked more of a death trap than a muscle match. So I stuck it out on the cycle and the elliptical, although both were fairly dodgy cheapos. They made me regret selling my own cross-trainer! 

The elliptical resembled something in the way of jumping up and down on a small child. It was very tiny and wobbly, the thinnest machine I’ve seen in my life (and that ISN’T a good thing - I compared it to a pencil), and when I managed to tug out my earphones with the handlebar I very quickly discovered that it’s not a machine you can keep the momentum going as you re-insert your headphones. Neither screens worked on the machines, showing only a faint image, and neither of them functioned enough to actually calculate time, distance, calories or heart rate. Due to zero resistance as the only working option, my muscles endured a very ‘jumpy’ workout, but I managed to alternate the two machines in 15 minute sessions thanks to the clock on the wall!

 

The bike had the unadjustable resistance of a spin bike, so I ended up balancing cautiously on the edge of the seat and pedalling furiously to my spin tracks. Another ‘hold-onto-handlebars-at-all-time’ machine as the unadjustable seat was stuck at a slight decline so any movement from my arms and I’d have slipped right off! However, this did result in my biceps getting a good toning workout as they were stuck rigidly in a ‘press-up’ position on the handlebars in the prevention of loss of dignity.

So… scoring. 1.5/5! The water and the size of a room were definitely unexpected (one point). And I still got a workout (hence the half point), but obviously it would have been heaps better if the machines had actually given me information and acknowledged the fact that they were in motion (i.e. The timer/distance counter starting). 

Back in the bathroom for another shower, and I tested out the hotel shower caps. Which are very un-sexy but totally waterproof. So thumbs up for that! Down to breakfast and there was a huge spread, although I felt that we didn’t get enough staff pampering to our every need, in way of checking to see if we needed more drinks. But there was plenty for the greedy, and fruit for the healthy. However, pricing for breakfast is a hefty 17€ which we both agreed definitely wasn’t worth the price. But the ambiance was that serene ‘hotel morning’ atmosphere, which was relaxing. 4/5. Oh, and they didn’t have marmalade, FYI.

  

Home Sweet Hotel

By the time I arrived at the hotel (after the tennis run of course!) Granny had battled her way into one of the top rooms of the hotel. 'Top' as in, not cramped or dark. The room is lovely, the hotel better than expected and the beds are very comfy! 

  

So far,

Customer Service - I called down to reception for the internet password and still couldn't get it to work so marched downstairs, Mac in hand, and the (quite good looking) guy at the desk helped me out. He even joked with me. All the staff seemed very friendly. AND they upgraded our room... 5/5

Bathroom facilities - Big, spacious, a big mirror (god I haven't had one of those for ages!), good hot shower which didn't leak, such fluffy towels... However, there was no pump action soap. I guess this isn't such a big deal as I did bring my own (!), but sharing a cube of soap defeats the whole object of having clean hands. But I stopped complaining when I found the soap box which said 'aloe vera' and 'anti-bacterial', so it has some sort of positive qualities! The bath was quite dirty… not ‘unclean’, but cleaning hadn’t been kept on top of, so the bath bit was looking rather grey and need of some Domestos! 4/5

 

Room facilities - They really should provide with bottles of water! I am SO parched. And for a four-star hotel I'd expect complimentary Evian. I'm sure there is Evian in the mini fridge, but the mini-bar prices are always so expensive! So rather disappointed at lack of drinking water. But there is a kettle and mugs, and a TV although I haven't checked it out yet... 4/5 for now. The room could do with updating slightly, maybe modernised a bit with a 'feature' wall, or some snazzy artwork, but to make up for lack of wall-interest there is a huge mirror/wardrobe as you walk in. Always a bonus! :)

Out and About - Very lively and full of great bars and restaurants of every nationality. And by 'lively' I don't mean drug-trades, sex-offers or gun shots. So all good! When I arrived and lugged my suitcase through the area it was full of buzzing bars with people out for a warm, relaxed Friday night. It was so gorgeous! (And I saw two more Space Invaders... double score!) 5/5

 

Plus tomorrow morning I'm off to check out the gym! Give me a cross-trainer and I'll call it my home! Ahhh :D Already a 5/5 for hotel facilities. Sweet heaven. 

Onto the negatives: I finally found a suitcase to use from the house, but discovered halfway to the station that one of the wheels has come off. So I spent the whole walking-journey twisting my wrist to try and put more pressure on the wheel-side, so as not to wear away a huge whole on the other side and leave a trail of belongings behind! Also, -5 for light packing. I am ADAMANT that my clothes just EXPAND the moment they enter a confined space such as a suitcase! It is quite absurd, seeing as I really did try hard to pack lightly. I took 3 outfits!! And managed to whittle it down to 2 pairs of shoes and my trainers (they do not count as shoes seeing as I won't be wearing them out...). But still it weighed as if I'd filled it with bars of gold. Despite being a Suitcase Kid for the last 9 months my packing skills most definitely have not improved. 

Bring on the room service, concierges and fluffy bath towels!

Another calming day, but one I wanted to hurry along because tonight I'll be sleeping in a big comfy bed at a hotel.

William, again, was non-existent at breakfast, the school run went smoothly, and the morning was overall pleasant despite the weather being sweltering!! Then Margot returned for lunch, so I quickly escaped off to Bastille for the afternoon, and had an adventurous time in the underground of Come On Eileen vintage shop. I got yelled at in the car this afternoon by Marie, because she needed the loo and I had to wait in the car for the other two, and then once Juliette arrived we waited another 15 minutes before she bothered to tell me that actually, Margot had 'gone away' for the weekend. Great, 'merci' for that. So off to Tennis, 10 minutes late...

William's given me the evening off, so no tea to prepare - I think he may be slightly scared of my Granny, so he's (wisely) said I could leave after dropping the girls back home. So I'm currently in my room before the last run of the week, trying to whittle four pairs of shoes down to two... (such difficult choices!!), and am attempting to squeeze everything into a small backpack. Which IS NOT WORKING!!! Gahh. I'm taking my Mac of course, but i have no idea what the internet will be like at the hotel. I'll try and keep you all posted!

Melting it out in Paris

My weekend is arriving early, so technically tonight was my last night this week of kids and dinners and dull evenings. Tomorrow my Granny is arriving (again) to Paris and has booked us into a hotel! And this time I will ignore the urge to get very excited and run round the room, and instead take photos of anything and everything. :D But, before that, here's my own hotelier-skills on show here, bienvenue chez Connie! And yes, William seems to expect this every morning, despite the fact he doesn't come down half the time... Maybe next week he'll be demanding for morning newspapers and wake-up calls?

Today was another meltingly-sunny day, and I spent the morning walking around Chatelet on another Space Invader search, before meeting Catie and her friend for Starbucks, a chat, and a walk around Chatelet. A very pleasant morning, and she showed me the upstairs of WHSmith's in Paris - I cannot believe, that all this time, I didn't realise that Bisto Gravy Granules were right under my nose - upstairs at Smiths. It was amazing... There were just shelves of such NORMAL foods, but it was so exciting because I hadn't seen them for ages! Heinz Baked Beans (sparse in France), Bisto, Oxo, Ambrosio/Birds Eye Custard and Angel Delight (Hell, i don't even like those two but it was just such a delight to see them!) and things like McVities biscuits, Curly Wurley's, Peanut Butter, Dr. Pepper drinks... I couldn't believe it!! And all this time I've been begging people to post me gravy granules... 

It was a nice 'wander', and I spotted more Invaders on the way...

 

  

So I am very much looking forward tomorrow! :) Next mission: Light packing... 

Let the games begin

I guess it would have been IMPOSSIBLE for today to be perfect... I mean, what was I thinking? I have to say, it was pretty near-perfect, so I should really stop complaining. Yes. You read it correctly. A Wednesday, NEAR PERFECT. Go me! *Crazy dance*

Mission 1: Breakfast for the King...
I pre-laid the table last night for an extra head-start, and despite the girls waking up early for once and coming down, raiding the kitchen and sitting round the table in the kitchen, I wasn't too fussed. William didn't appear, and it was easier for me to clear up. I have to say though, I did show off my amazing waitressing skills when laying up the breakfast table... I'll try and get a photo tomorrow morning [the pressure is on...]. Mission accomplished.

Mission 2: Another dreaded dental appointment. The girls have more appointments than they have teeth in their mouth! It is quite ridiculous. However, I've got so used to the drive that I could do it with my eyes closed. Obviously I don't, but it's a drive that allows me to drive fast and skid round the beautiful monument that is Chateau de Vincennes. :) Also, I was feeling very excited, as it meant I could sneak off during the appointment and locate a few Space Invaders which were around Nation (Train line and place of dental surgery). Yes, I don't even need to go off on a trek around the backstreets of Paris - a simple trip to the dentist and they're right under my nose.

  

Space invaders: scored!

Mission 3: Lunchtime. So far so good! Everything running smoothly, each time I've gone back out to the car it's still in the same place, and all today there was plenty of parking round the front of the house. William cooked lunch, and I helped make Orange Salad... which is oranges and, oranges... Florence arrived as well, and it was a surprisingly enjoyable Summery lunch in the garden! No flies, beetles or wasps, and I had to rush off with Juliette and Margot so William cleared everything up and put the dishwasher at the hottest temperature (I like it at the hottest, and he likes it at 40 degrees, and if you saw the crap and raw meat they eat, you'd be switching it to 60 degrees as well...), and returned to a reasonably clean house. AND THEN, Marie announced to me that she didn't have ice skating! I felt like I'd died and gone to heaven. WOW. So only two more dreaded ice-skating trips. So I spent the afternoon cleaning my room (again), chilling with the sun beaming through, and everyone HAPPY.

Mission 4: Dinner. Well, the 'run-up' to dinner. I sorted the annoyances of radio station-flicking by bringing one of those wonderful inventions called A CD with me, so there was no rubbish music or annoying incessant radio chatter. Slight dip of the day was ANOTHER brush with the police. One day they'll give me a fatal heart attack... I've already had a panic attack from them! I don't know how much more my arteries can take! Anyway, there's me, driving, wailing along to my CD and being a nice driver by letting people in front, including a Police Driver (although that was very intentional - my Dad once said 'I'd rather a police car in front of me than behind!'), and then it was all fine, 30 kph up the road, and then at the traffic lights when they'd stopped, THE POLICEMEN GOT OUT. Yes, I sat in the car, TERRIFIED. I was right behind them. OH MY GOD. I was actually driving carefully for once and they'd already found a fault. Walking towards me (had I been smiling too much?) walking... (was the music too loud?) walking towards... (did I look like too sceptical in my Ray-Bans?) walking walking... (noticing battons in their belts...), and then they continued walking PAST the car, and ambushed the car behind. OMG, what the hell did they notice in there???! Anyway, I was too scared to do anything or move at all, despite the lights now on green and I certainly wasn't going to break any pedantic French laws by overtaking the police car in the middle of the lane, so I just waited and waited. Fortunately they didn't take too long (they asked the lady to pull over into the lay-by... She MIGHT have been on her mobile but I didn't think it was illegal in Paris), and almost jumped out of my seat as he said 'excuse-moi' on his way past my window. (French police apologising?!) Ohmygod-sigh-of-relief. [Dodged Invader ambush...]

Returned home with two content girls, chilled, and was about to go down to cook tea at 7pm when BHAM. William. William's head round my door and him asking me to go and do the shopping. AT 7PM!! So after grumbling and moaning to myself, I went, and it turned out to be surprisingly better than expected! There was no rush to get back and make something of my day, it wasn't my 'free' time I was wasting, and they'd actually managed to stock up their shelves by near-closing time. Back at home, no one helped me with the shopping, but I'd actually rather be left alone to put it all away than have kids ransacking the bags for the biscuits. So that wish was granted. Then William and Florence went out, and I was left able to cook simple pasta with meatballs for the girls and not feel judged or pressured into serving up a Michelin-star meal.

Today: Accomplised. And it hasn't been stressful at all! :) People told me they'd get easier the closer I got to going home, but I didn't realise they'd suddenly go from worst day in the week to Best Day! *keep it up!* And onto the next level...

Intercepted Space Invader: 30 points, Battling William: 50 points...

Today COULD have been perfect. It went pretty perfect for the majority of the day... Even when I had to take the plough-machine back AGAIN this morning, I found the place, and William was fined, NOT for it being a day late, but the fact he'd returned it with dry soil clogged round the blades. That doesn't surprise me ONE TEENY BIT. 'What, you mean I have to clean the machine?? Can't I just pay someone to do it?' Yes. It's called 'a fine'. So the Black Fairy came and bit him back, and I feel very satisfied. 

Came back home in a happy 'haha-serves-you-right' daze, listened to the radio online whilst admiring my amazing clean and empty room, and then decided to go into a 'safe' area of Paris (the centre) for more Space Invader-ing. I started at Chatelet and ended up at Bastille, which was very lovely, and being old/cobbled streets in the centre of Paris, they were absolutely littered with Space Invaders! My favourite one it the big picture below with the character holding a sign reading 'Leave us alone!'. It's so weird how no one bothers about them, until the moment I pull out my camera to take a few snapshots and suddenly everybody wants to come and have a closer look... it's not like they're new!! 

 

  

  

 

   

So, all good so far, came back and did some work... picking up the girls was pain-free and reasonably un-traumatic... And then I thought to make this day even more smooth and brilliant, to hold tea for when William returned. Because I'm a GOOD au-pair. So I waited, and hung around, and wasted 2 hours in my room NOT cooking tea, and then used the last remaining bit of meat in the house to create another of my wonderous Shepherd's Pies... and then at 8.15 he called Juliette to say he wasn't going to come back this evening. OH JOY. Had I known this earlier, I could have got away with throwing some pasta together at 6, and have done. But no, just keep me waiting for as long as possible because that's what I really enjoy. *Yowls of frustration* I refuse to wait anymore for the parents - it is quite a JOKE. And before you start thinking it's unreasonable, I shouldn't be cooking for them anyway! Let alone keeping dinner on hold and cooking to their demands. 

And we're back around to Wednesday again... NONONONO!! :'( *Cries of anticipation seconds from the rollercoaster car tipping over it's summit.* Three more Wednesdays to go. Can they get any worse? Maybe after MONDAY, tomorrow will seem relatively harmless...